My Wife, the Deer Hunter

My wife has decided, at age 33 (I’m sorry, sweetheart, I really didn’t mean to give your age), to take up deer hunting. For those of you who are not Southerners and don’t understand the spiritual nature of things like hunting, fishing and football, allow me to explain - deer hunting is part worship service, part addiction, and part social gathering.

A typical day of hunting starts out by getting up before daybreak when it is cold outside, putting on camoflague clothes (Mossy Oak or Real Tree is required, we are not allowed to be cheap on this!) - no perfume, ladies! - and heading into the woods to climb into your deer stand or shootin’ house (small enclosed building on poles that is elevated for better view of your prey - typically will hold two or less people) and waiting for a deer to come across your path (sounds more like deer waiting).

Said deer must then cooperate to allow you to get a shot at it - this is much harder than it sounds, as deer have sensitive ears and a keen sense of smell (for those of you that are animal lovers and anti-hunting this is where you cheer). When your backside has had enough sitting or you manage to actually shoot a deer, you are allowed to come out of the woods. If you have successfully gotten a deer, you must field dress your deer and collect the prized deer meat (or venison as some call it). If you did not get a deer, then you must come up with plausible excuses as to why you did not get or even see a deer and plan your next trip to the woods. This type of activity goes on from late October to late January each year.

Now my wife has decided to join this Southern ritual… her father is tickled pink (this is a Southern expression indicating much pride or pleasure) and most of the men in her family are also pleased that a new hunter has been created. I do not wish to leave you, dear reader, with the impression that I am unsupportive or displeased with her decision - I am merely surprised. She has thrown me a curve ball, figuratively speaking, as this is totally outside her normal recreational pursuits. I am not a hunter - not that I am opposed to it - like most Southern men, I was raised (reared) to understand how to hunt animals and to appreciate the act of doing so. I only hope that my wife truly enjoys her new hobby and I look forward to helping her choose her first rifle.

Written by Ledale Reynolds on December 18th, 2006 with 1 comment.
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